Adopting a child is incredibly difficult and exhausting, at least for me and my family. There have been many nights when I've cried, and prayed, until I fell asleep. I knew it would be hard, but I think I really underestimated the energy and commitment that would be required Every day, with no relief. Not every day is hard; some are joyous and fun, and most days at least have moments of joy. But the past couple of days have seemed harder than usual. Mollie is demanding of my time and attention, and tries to control me. She's jealous of time I spend with S&A, and she yells when I try to have a conversation with anyone. My big girls aren't much better, really, so they're all constantly competing for my attention and complaining when someone interrupts a conversation or homework time. I give and give and try to make everyone happy, but it's overwhelming, and I feel inadequate at times. I totally remember these feelings from when S&A were little. And I know I'm doing a great job, I'm a good mom, Mollie will continue to make progress, and . I get all that. But some days I wallow in the difficulties, the loneliness, the frustration.
Around midnight last night I almost sent an email to my social worker, begging for help, but I decided to wait to see how I felt this morning. And the truth is I wasn't any better at 6am. I felt sad. Perry is out of town. None of us slept well last night. The house is a wreck. I feel like I can't get anything done. And Mollie has been especially moody for a couple of days. I just wanted to get the girls off to school then crawl back into bed. But instead I forced myself to go to Crossfit. And halfway through the workout, it hit me. I am so blessed by my Crossfit community. They have supported our family the way you might expect an extraordinary church family to respond, but far beyond anything you would ever expect from a gym. They have showered us with gift cards and meals and toys, taking care of our physical needs, but more than that, so much more, they have loved us and taken care of us emotionally and spiritually. I know some people think Crossfit is a cult, and I admit we get a little crazy about our workouts sometimes, but we also care about each other and take care of each other. Today I needed a hug. I got three. I needed encouragement. I was overwhelmed by it. And I needed acknowledgment, that this is hard, but we're doing it, and it's a blessing to Mollie and our family and countless others- and I was given the love and support of friends who see her progress and love her so much.
I wanted to write this post to thank my friends at Ignite for loving us and supporting us. But I also wanted to write it to make sure everyone understands how important it is to live in community with others. You can find your community in many places- at work, in your neighborhood, in your church (although you probably need a church small group rather than just a church membership). Of course it doesn't matter where you find your community; just FIND it! And be an active part of it. The blessings flow from community. If you have a community, nurture it. Look for ways to bless those within your community. And meet often, because communities need connection to thrive.
"Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other." - Romans 12:9-10
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. - Ephesians 4:29 ESV
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